Friday, November 6, 2015

Wondering About Camelot

     Thinking back to my Camelot days. I miss a lot of people. I wish I could just see how they're doing. I wonder about what happened after I left. I wonder about that day and about those people I didn't get to say goodbye to. I wonder about the woman who treated us like family. I wonder if she got in trouble for being the only family we had. I wonder about the rest of the employees who treated us with respect. I wonder about the girl who was too much for even Camelot to handle. I wonder what happened to the homeless girl. I wonder what happened to my friends. I wonder what happened to the youngest girls. I wonder what happened to the elementary kids. I wonder if Camelot is even still open. I hope they got shut down. I wonder how the best therapist is doing. I wonder how the girl is doing who risked her job by giving me a full hug the night I found out my dad was NOT on his way to come get me even though I was dismissed. I wonder what happened to the girl who wouldn't take a shower. I wonder what happened to my roommate. I wonder what happened to my WV girls. I wonder what happened......
     Wondering makes no progress. I have no idea why I started thinking about Camelot tonight, but I did. You know the WORST thing about that place? No hugs. Only side-hugs. So now... when I'm upset and I can't get a hug, it hurts. It is a trigger. I can't handle not being able to have a hug. It puts me in a dark place. It's awful. I thank god my baby will give me a hug when my husband won't. I don't think putting 30 girls on the exact same medication and diagnosing us all with the exact same things is going to make everything better. Did we all show the same behavior? No. We're different people. How about you treat us like it. PEOPLE. INDIVIDUALS. HUMANS.